OK, this is going to be a completely anger filled post but I just have to say it!!!
Those of you that know me well know that my sister and I have this "on again/off again" relationship. I mean, I know she's my sis and all, and I do love her, but I'm just to the point that I'm wondering if it's even worth the hassle anymore.
Here's the "latest" scenerio. Tuesday night I called my mom to talk to her for a bit, hadn't really talked to her since she'd been home from vacation. We gabbed for a bit, she told me her washer wasn't working right and I communicated what was going on to Ric and he offered his "suggestions". We then went on to talk about the kids and I told her that Kryssy was sick with a bad sinus infection. She then goes into this rant about how the animals are what are making her sick so much (which we've been through SEVERAL times). Then she says "When you sister was at your house Saturday the smell from those animals made her ill and gave her a horrible headache". I'm like WTF? She was FINE while she was here. Well, until I found a website that had better trucks than the one she was showing her husband, then her freaking nose got all out of joint and she got quite pissy. So mom is going on and on about the animals and my sisters headache and it hit me, HOW IN THE HELL does my mom know about this, but yet my sister never said a fucking thing to me about it? At that point I simply got pissed and told my mom that i needed to go and hung up. I sat thinking about it for a little bit and decided that I needed to let my sister know how I felt. Here is a copy of the email I sent her:
You can tell me to grow up, you can tell me to shut up, you can say whatever you want to say, but I have to say this and then I am simply DONE!!
You freaking run your mouth to mom about anything and everything you can tell her about me, whether it is good or bad. You can tell her that my house smells like piss so bad that it made you sick, yet you can't tell me?
I have kept so many things to myself that you have told me. I don't run to mom and tell her, that's part of being a friend and a sister. But for some reason, which I will never know, you have to run to her and tell her everything. That's fine S, play your little "I'm better than you game" and live with it. But don't call me, don't email me and don't come visit me. Have fun Friday, we're not going
NOW, for me, that was quite a "nice" email. When I get pissed I tend to go off the handle a bit. Now, just a little info here on the animals and the "piss" smell. Neither Ric, me or the kids ever smell this. Even when we've been gone from the house for an entire day and come home. We do not smell what my sister claims she smells when she comes into my house. Not only that, but we've asked other people that have come into our home if they smell it and their answer is also no. And they are being honest, not being "nice". Our animals consist of 1 rabbit, 2 gineau pigs and a hamster. The rabbit is completely potty trained and does his "duties" in a litter box, and all cages are cleaned at least once a week.
OK, so after I sent her the email, I grabbed some coffee and went out on the porch. Quite a while later, I came in and to NO surprise had an email from my sister. Here is what she had to say to me:
First of all, I did not tell her it smelled like piss, I told her it smelled like animals. She asked why I had such a bad headache. I told her. I didn't call her or run out to her house so I could tattle to her. No matter what you think, I don't run and tell her juicy secrets that you and I share, because you are right, that is what friends & sisters do, they share & keep secrets.
Now about me not having the guts to tell you, I'm pretty sure that you know that I am not afraid to tell you anything. I just simply chose not to, because I have before (numerous times) told you about your animals and suggested that you just keep the little hampster, and you didn't listen. (That is I thought you weren't listening) until the day that you told me about why you don't work and about how you & R and the kids felt when you lost everything and that those were their comforts. (The day I sent you that disney thing) From that day on I have tried to not be that way. Trying to remember that it is your life, your space and your business. I have not stopped coming to see you or stopped being around you because of it. I was just telling you my concerns about you & your families health.
I think you know my attitude towards you has changed alot since that day, I didn't hammer on you about getting a job, I didn't hammer on you about getting rid of your kids animals, it wasn't my place. It was my place to be your sister, not your judge. (Which I thougt I had been doing.) Guess not.
Oh well, I'm not going to beg you to change your mind, we both know you are too stubborn to do that. I'm just going to say I Love You, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, I had not intention of doing so and thanks for 36 yrs. You'll be hard to replace.
OK, for the most part, her email is also pretty good "considering". She can be as big of a bitch as I am sometimes...LOL. But the thing from her email that "got" me was this: thanks for 36 yrs. You'll be hard to replace WTF? I'll be hard to replace? YEAH, probably, because I'm the ONLY person that has supported her through 3 marriages and 2 divorces without judging her. I'm the only person that lends a sympathetic ear when she calls crying after her current husband has grabbed her and held her by the throat until she has almost passed out, or thrown her across a room. I am the only person that has not told anyone that she told me that her current husband has given her herpes. I have not ran to our mother and told her the things that my sister has told me about what is going on in her life. Over the years I have simply listened and given what advice I felt was appropriate for the current situation. I've gotten pissed at her many times and told her off and hung up the phone on her. But from what I hear, that's pretty common between sisters. You never get along ALL the time. Now granted, when we were young and growing up and still living at home, I was NOT a pleasant person to her at all. I used to threaten her and bully her. I embarassed her in front of her friends on more than one occasion. But I "thought" that we've made ammends for how I was back then. We sat down one day and had a very good "heart to heart" and I offered a truly sincere apology for the things I did back then.
So anyway, my 40th birthday is a mere hours away, my plans are in shambles and I probably won't be spending it how I had hoped to. I guess that could be a good thing in some ways ya know? I do feel bad for my sister. She leads a very sad/depressing/lonely life. I do not feel that she feels that she is loved. She is obviously seriously depressed and is very miserable. I think she puts too much emphasis on "things" rather than the stuff in life that is truly important, but that's just my opinion. Things mean NOTHING to me....well, except my puter...LOL. I spend my time letting the people in my life know just how much they truly mean to me! I'm attempting to raise my kids with love and go to bed every night letting my husband know that I love him. That's what matters in life!! When you die people don't talk about the "things" you have, they talk about the person you were and what you meant to them while you were here.
OK,I'm gonna shut up now. Just let me leave with this parting word. If you are in my life, it is for a reason, and I truly feel blessed to have you in my life! We may not always see eye to eye, but I will always love you for as long as you will allow me to!!!