Monday, September 19, 2005

Something larger...

You know, today has been one of those "sentimental" days, if ya know what I mean. I'm not sure if it's because of the change of seasons or if it's because my lovely "Aunt Flow" came Friday morning. But either way, something inside me feels mushy today...LOL.

It's been a very nice and relaxing day. I actually accomplished stuff around the house and even made a "real" dinner tonight, not just something that was quickly thrown together.

But tonight something happened that made me feel something I haven't felt in as long as I can remember. Ric and I have been together 14 years today. 14 years ago, he walked into where I was working and invited me over to "hang out" when I got out of work. That night, when I went home, I knew I had just spent the first alone time with my soulmate!! He's been in my life ever since. Our lives have never been easy, it's always been one battle after another. And just when it seems like everything is going well, something MAJOR happens. And lately, all has been going well, so I've kind of been on pins and needles waiting for the wrench to be thrown in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really that pessimistic, it's simply the pattern that our lives have taken. I'm not sure if it's because of something that we're doing wrong, or if it's because of something that we're not doing that we should be doing, of if it's just because we always look for that "bad" think to come knocking on our door. It's a pattern that I've simply grown used to. I don't think it necessarily bothers me, I guess I'm just to a point in my life where I'm just tired of that dang wrench being a part of it.

So tonight, as dinner is in the oven, I'm sitting out on the porch. Ric got online for a few, Kryssy was sitting with the neighbor girl in the dining room doing their homework together, and Keith was on the puter with Ric. Things felt good, like they simply fit. All of a sudden a fire truck pulled into the driveway. I was a bit puzzled, wondering as to what was going on. So I stuck my head in the house and yelled to Ric that we had a firetruck in the drive. I walked out to see who was in the fire truck, and as I got to it, the entire volunteer department was getting out of the truck. They stopped by to welcome us to the neighborhood and introduce themselves. It brought tears to my eyes. It's kind of like we "belong" here ya know?

After losing the trailer 3 years ago, I thought my life would never be "right" again. We lived there for 8 years, it was our "stability", and it was ripped out from under us. We spent the next 2 months being homeless living in the basement of a church before we found our "ghetto apartment"...LOL. Living in the ghetto opened our eyes to many things that we never thought we'd see first hand. I wouldn't necessarily say it was a bad experience, but it wasn't really a good experience either. Then we were given our "ticket" out of there and moved into the apartment. The apartment was like a dream come true. It was bright, very nice and SAFE!! It allowed all of us to let go of the fear we lived with daily when we lived in the ghetto. But we knew the apartment was only temporary. Although we tried to stay longer, we knew we needed to go. And that was when this house literally fell into our laps! Yeah, it would mean a HUGE change for all of us, and it also meant letting go of many things that we had become accustomed to in our lives. We have always lived where we had cable and city water. Granted, the cable is a luxury, but I never thought that I'd be able to live without my city water...LOL.

Although we've only been here a little over a month, things are really starting to settle in well. The house is starting to feel like home more and more each day. But when those guys got out of that truck tonight, I knew in my heart that this is where we were meant to be!! I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking about it.

So, today, I vow that I will no longer spend my time waiting for that wrench to show up. From this moment forward, someone else can have that dang wrench because I simply have no need for it in my life anymore!!

Sleep well my friends!


Running2Ks said...

You have seen so much, it is wondeful that you have a loving family. And a loving fire department. :)

KottonKandi said...